Relationships are designed to give people the comfort and peace unavailable anywhere else. Done wrong, relationships can be depressing and exhausting. Like any other institution, relationships work on the principles of checks and balances. In the case of relationships, the man and woman are responsible for checking and balancing. We contribute to the failure of our relationship when we fail to reciprocate accordingly. I’ve written 10 common ways people intentionally or unintentionally destroy their relationships.
Projecting Your Insecurities
Insecurity exhausts and drains your partner. Couples should allow some insecurities at the beginning of a relationship to learn from one another and build a strong foundation. The insecurities become a bother when the relationship has advanced for some years.
Projecting insecurities is ignoring the significant steps you have made with your partner and planting seeds of distrust in the relationship.
Unresolved insecurities lead to repeated talks which could drain your partner and plant doubt in their hearts. Projecting insecurities reveals inner wounds that need healing before the relationship can go further.
Trying to Change Your Partner
It’s selfish to demand change from your partner. You are responsible for studying and adjusting to your partner’s personality and character. Entering into a relationship means you have accepted the flaws and strengths of your partner.
The decision to change is entirely with your partner’s will. Trying to change your partner is violating personal space. Some partners might become the worst version of themselves when they feel pressured to change.
If something about your partner bothers you, you can address it with them or reconsider the relationship before you enter marriage.
Bringing up the Past
Bringing up the past resurrects previous hurts, disappointments, and lost love. First, a relationship that dwells in the past does not grow. You kill your relationship slowly when you bring up past things about the relationship or bad things your partner did.
Second, comparing your current relationship with another one that happened in the past breeds misery and insecurity. You should focus on the present resources to build a future with your partner.
When your partner chooses to be with you, you must reciprocate it by choosing them. Forgive their past and do not bring up long-gone love stories.
Drug Abuse
Never get into a relationship with a person using alcohol or abusing drugs. Substance abuse threatens the financial, emotional, and mental stability of a relationship.
If you start using alcohol or abusing drugs, you get a distorted perception of the relationship. You begin to prioritize alcohol and drugs over your husband or wife.
Gradually, you will start neglecting your family needs and before you realize it, your relationship will have fallen apart. Using alcohol and drugs opens the door for unfaithfulness. The majority of unfaithful spouses confessed to using alcohol or drugs before cheating.
Invalidation, Mockery and Sarcasm
You breed resentment into your relationship when you invalidate, mock, and give sarcastic comments. When you are negative towards your partner, you deny them an opportunity to be vulnerable with you. Your partner might feel stuck in a relationship that strains their growth.
They might begin to resent you and eventually distance themselves. Others may leave the relationship when they do not get the room to express themselves.
As a partner, you should validate your partner’s feelings and create a room to present their raw self.
Resistance to Change
A relationship/marriage is dying when it’s not changing. Change is the evidence of growth. Changes can be physical, emotional, financial, and mental. You should adjust to whatever changes in the relationship.
Having a rigid belief system or a closed-minded mindset ruins the relationship. Blending dreams, sharing resources, and supporting each other requires an open mindset and an allowance for positive compromise.
Resisting to change for the sake of your partner is a sign of selfishness, which might bring strain and resentment in the relationship.
Secrecy
Secrecy in relationships is illegal. Your partner has the right to know everything about you and your whereabouts. Openness saves the relationship’s mental capital. Secrecy brings down trust brick by brick.
Secrecy means doing things without the knowledge of your partner. Secrecy and lying go hand in hand. A secretive person can’t tell the truth about their whereabouts. Secrecy and privacy are two different things.
Privacy is allowing your partner room to become themselves while secrecy is remaining silent about things that affect the relationship. Once things done in secret come to light, trust may be broken to irreparable levels.
Read: How to Spot an evil person
Losing your individuality
Your unique attributes attracted your partner to you. Always serve the relationships with the attributes present at the beginning stages of your relationship. Losing yourself for the sake of your spouse kills the spice that makes the relationship tasty.
Never stop doing what you used to do when you were single. Do not forget your desires, values, and goals after you get into a relationship. Your sense of individuality will give the relationship purpose and fulfillment. You will grow together when your relationship embraces your individuality.
Focusing on What is not working
A pessimistic mindset kills a relationship before it starts. People build relationships from available resources. When you focus on nothing you will build nothing. When something is not working for a relationship, probably, it should not be in the relationship.
Keep your mind on what’s working. If finances are not working, use emotional stability to build the foundation to build finances. Focusing on the negative is working the relationship towards a breakup.
You do not have to remind your partner of the troubles of your relationship. Choose to remind them of the possibility of the relationship working out.
Shifting Blame
Shifting blame is an act of cowardice. Unite with your spouse to fight anything that threatens your relationship. Blaming them is an excuse for failure. It is a major red flag a partner should use to reconsider a relationship.
Shifting blame means you cannot account for the things affecting the relationship. You create a barrier between yourself and your spouse. Blaming your partner is also a form of emotional manipulation.
Your partner might feel guilty of doing something they were not part of. When you enter into a relationship, you should take ownership of every mistake that can ruin your relationship.
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