Expressing emotions is the only way to deal with them. Ignoring them results in depression, anxiety, worry, and frequent visits to the therapist. Most of us look don’t get validated after expressing our emotions because we do not know the difference between emotional dumping and venting.
Have you ever had a friend who spends hours talking about problems in their lives? I have had such a friend. I felt they were robbing my life out of me. I have also found myself complaining to another person. I felt emptier at the end of the conversation despite expressing myself.
Lack of emotional intelligence is the number one reason for unsatisfying conversations. Most people dump emotions on others when they don’t know how to deal with them. Emotional dumping is like tossing garbage to another person and expecting them to hold it.
Your emotions are not garbage, how deal with them reveals how much you value them. In this article, you will learn when you dump your emotions and when you engage in healthy venting.
Emotion Dumping
Overwhelming the Other Person With Issues
You are always controlling the conversation. The person you speak to rarely shares their views about what you bring up. You begin the conversation with an end in mind. The only reason you want to have the conversation is to seek validation. You will talk about bad weather, your boss, your spouse, and events in your life. You always overwhelm the other person with the things in your life. The other party will rarely have a chance to share their stories in the conversation. If they get a chance, you turn the story towards yourself. If you notice, you are the one talking a lot in a conversation, you could be an emotional dumper.
You Always Play The Victim
An emotional dumper has a victim mentality. Nothing around his life favors them. He will come to you complaining about how their boss treats him or how well their spouse does not treat them. Others will come to you complaining about the unfair economic state and how government leaders steal the public’s money. They care less about your opinions on the issues that have victimized them. Their decision is final. The man wants to recruit you in their complaints to feel validated.
You Are Defensive
The emotional dumper is always on guard. Any view contrary to theirs threatens them. Constructive feedback damages their ego. Feedback intended to improve their understanding of the issues affecting them might turn into an argument. Talking to them feels like speaking to a rock and listening to them is a waste of time.
Effects of Talking to an Emotional Dumper
Emotional Dumpers do not look like it until they start speaking to you.
After talking with an emotional dumper, you will feel spent although you were listening to them. Our energy strives to find a place to rest when it finds an energy it does not match. Although you will be listening to your friend or loved one, your mind will be focused on finding a place where your energy can rest.
You will also notice your friend or partner takes your advice for granted. They will not consider your point of view regardless of the times you have shared with them. You will feel undermined every time you have a conversation. You might grow some resentment towards your friend because you will notice they always come to you when a problem arises in their life.
Your conversations will feel like a therapy session even when you are not in a position to listen to them. An emotional dumper is a dangerous person to your personal growth, Their decision to dump emotions on you might affect your mental illness. Their mental diseases might become your disease if you tolerate them for too long.
You will notice you are the emotional dumper when the other person is too silent or they are avoiding you. you are an emotional dumper if you always go to them when things are bad on your side. You can be an unconscious emotional dumper, especially if you do not know healthy venting.
Read: Spotting Evil People
Healthy Venting
Healthy Venting is the opposite of emotional dumping. Venting and Emotional dumping are similar because they involve expressing emotions. Compared to emotional dumping, venting considers both parties.
Talk About a Topic At a Time
Healthy venting involves talking about one topic at a time. All emotions are expressed after an event has triggered them. When venting, we must focus only on the emotions triggered. If you feel worried after losing a job, talk about your worry and why you are worried.
The other person will understand your feelings and you will have allowed them to feel what you are feeling. Do not spend a lot of time on this issue. Once you have expressed your emotions, give yourself personal space to recover. Give your friend the time to process your feelings and a chance to give their perspective on your issue. Show appreciation when they validate your feelings.
Own Your Mistakes
When venting take up responsibility for your mistakes. Never wear the victim cap. Accepting your mistakes is part of healing. It is also part of admitting your imperfections and your need for help.
Accept Constructive Feedback
View feedback from your friends as a possible solution for your problem. Carefully analyze their thought before dismissing them. Never repeat the same issue after you have come up with a solution. Repeating the issue reveals an underlying issue that needs another approach to solve it.
Effects of Healthy Venting
Dealing with a person who knows how to vent is satisfying. You will feel energized after having a conversation with them. Although they have troubles in their lives, you will learn and you will be willing to learn more about their issue.
You will also feel respected because the other person has given you the liberty to choose whether or not to have the conversation. Most likely you will choose to have the conversation since the other person shows value for your time. At the end of the conversation, you will feel heard especially after the other party acknowledges your feedback.
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