If you say something like the Kenyan government is ruled by the ghosts of our ancestors chances are I will not take you seriously but if you say something like Big Business determines the political direction of the nation and country leaders, I will want to hear more.
Arguments are healthy. Some inventions, policies, and ideas happened after an argument. Some relationships, families, and marriages became better after arguing. Never downplay arguments. While some benefited from arguments some countries sunk into civil war, a couple somewhere divorced, and some friends stopped talking.
The difference between those who benefitted after an argument and those who lost is how they argued. Unless you learn, you will never see the importance of argument. So, let’s learn how to argue right.
Argue to add value
Examine an argument before you engage. Not all arguments deserve your time and energy. Engage in issues you take seriously or topics you have invested in. Participate in every argument with an EXPERT MENTALITY. Your expertise makes you confident and gives you the power to convince those listening to you including those who are for a different opinion.
Every word and point you argue with must add value to the topic. Arguments arise when a group wants to find a solution to a problem. When you participate in an argument, you communicate a desire to contribute to solving the problem. Your approach to arguments MUST be solution-based.
Never attack the person, attack the issue, unless the person is the issue. You must back your ideas with evidence reasonable to you and people on the other side. The points you share should not necessarily solve the problem but must contribute to the overall solution. Every solution that addressed a problem in a country, family, company, or friendship was a combination of the ideas of the people involved. Lastly, learn when silence adds more value to an argument than talking.
Do not argue with a person who has made up their minds
Argue with like-minded people. It’s healthy and it will save you time and energy. Like-minded people participate in an argument by bringing up valuable insights and ideas that can give you a better perspective on the issue or how other people’s points of view.
The type of arguments people bring up will tell you the kind of people you are dealing with. When the other person(s) have their minds made up concerning the issue, you waste your time arguing with them. They will neither change their position nor add value to your understanding. Leaving them means you have allowed the course of nature to prove them wrong. Nature may prove them wrong by allowing chaos that may cause pain despite being right. This is the price of dealing with a close-minded person.
Leaving them to their decision is the second option when you cannot use the rod of justice to bring sense to the other person. When your child has the habit of stealing from other children, you don’t argue with him about their behavior. Your rod will make him understand.
Do Not Take Things Personal
Arguing is sharing your character and personality. The other side might take the opportunity to attack you instead of the issue. You will get hurt and might forget the reason for participating in the argument if you allow their words to get into your heart.
Arguing with such a person is challenging if you do not know how to counter their arguments. When a person attacks your personality, the worst you can do is attack theirs. Their insults are designed to distract you from the issue. Ignore their attacks, albeit painful, and focus on addressing the issue. If it is a debate, you will win the people’s confidence and you will have unmasked the other’s hidden agenda.
Arguments become chaotic when we take things personally. NEVER show weakness when the other person unintentionally hurts your feelings unless the argument is personal. Remain calm and listen to get the other’s point of view. It might be uncomfortable but you will learn more about the topic and protect your reputation.
Read: How to Spot Evil People
Be Ready To Be Controversial
Before an idea gets accepted it must beat controversy. Every great man was once controversial. An idea is controversial when it stirs mixed feelings. When you are certain an idea benefits or hurts people, you must say it otherwise things will remain the same when they can get better. Controversy should encourage you to prove your point.
Many people resist change before accepting it. It is your responsibility to push ideas until everyone understands your arguments. Your idea might not benefit the people at the time but it can start a discussion that can lead to a solution. You will be remembered as a liar and a conman when you support a controversial idea to become famous or for selfish gain.
The truth has its way of coming to the surface. All your ideas MUST genuinely solve issues. When you stand in the face of controversy, you prove you have the boldness to drive change and actualize a better perspective. You will attract naysayers and supporters almost in equal measure.
Initiating a controversial idea can be done at any level. If your husband treats his mother better than you and you know it’s not right, you’ll be doing yourself an injustice if you remain silent. If your friend has been taking advantage of your kindness, tell them.
Uncomfortable discussions are a gate to the next level depending on how you have them. Have uncomfortable discussions with value-minded people, and when your skin can hold controversy and attacks on your character.
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